Back to Blogging

Hey! So I know I've been away for a while and quite quiet in terms of social media, so I feel like I have a lot of explaining to do not just for myself but for the lovely bunch who follow me. If you remember back in my A Round Up of 2013 post I mentioned I met someone who makes me "super happy" well, yeah he did I'm not going to sit and lie to any of you or myself, he did make me happy but there were certain things that upset me a lot, such as him checking my phone and constantly being in touch with his ex girlfriend, then there was the comparison to me and her which obviously no girl likes. Come Valentines Day we were working through everything, literally we had the perfect weekend; he met my brothers which in all honesty I've never done with any boyfriend in the past and I actually felt like I'd found someone I could be with for an exceptional amount of time. However come the Monday he ended it, there and then, no messing about he no longer wanted a relationship and he'd felt that way for some time. I lost my best friend, my boyfriend and myself. So the break up happened, I clung onto him like a little kid, listening to the "we just need space." Then I found out he was supposedly seeing his ex girlfriend, the one he'd never stopped having contact with.

I think its imaginable as to how I felt, I kick started the gym harder than ever, I was there everyday of the week, rarely eating and constantly talking fat melters and diet pills, which for a petite person like me isn't and wasn't the brightest thing I've done this year. During this time I was getting ill, not seriously ill just ill. Having a weak immune system I'm meant to take vitamins to help me along, which I rarely do silly I know, but my ribs began to ache more than ever. When I get that pain I struggle to breathe and really lose control of myself slightly as I don't know how to take the pain away, on top of that my heart began to have it's moments where it'd be going far too fast sometimes causing me to really really struggle with breathing. But I still insisted to my friends and Dad I was fine when really I felt like my whole world was crashing down around me. It didn't take long for my Dad to click on I was using my shakes as a meal replacement more than what I should be doing, also he noticed I was leaving more food on the plate than usual. That's when the whole anorexia scare happened again, now I've been daft before and stopped eating but not to this extent, it came to a point my Dad was telling me to eat. Not the "eat up" sort of telling, it was "eat" sort of telling.

My friend and I in our lecture was talking about my problems. We came to a possible conclusion, I may be suffering with anxiety. It came quite clear that this could be the case, so I started to look into it and a lot of what I found I was going through. Now I'm not saying I do suffer from anxiety but at least reading the ways to beat it slightly I was able to have a starting point and work from there. On top of all of this, I'd fallen out with my best friend Helen, not only did that affect me a lot as she'd been my absolute rock throughout the break up, I thought I'd never see Liv (her daughter) again, I began to feel so isolate. My friend who's a guy, was slowly helping me get over my ex and see that it's not the end of the world, I've been through a break up before and everything got better, but yet the flirtatious side of him came out and as much as he's a lovely guy he came at the wrong time leading to us now not being friends anymore, which is slightly sad.

Uni work and obviously blogging came to a halt, I couldn't even face going into uni. The medication I was on (and still am) for my heart and ribs were making me feel so run down, I slept for the majority of the day with the odd phone call from my Dad to wake me up. Every time I came back from gym I was sleeping, I'd tell my Dad I'd be going for a shower and pass out on my bed from being so exhausted. I received two kicks up the arse, my friend said she's noticed how I haven't bothered with uni and she's not going to nag me as she knows break ups are hard, but I had to realise I'm paying £9000 a year to learn and I was quite frankly taking the piss. Telling me it bluntly was the first kick up the arse I received, I started doing a lot more work and putting my ex to the back of my mind, and really I'm quite proud how I bounced back into my old work habit and kept on going. Then my ex text me saying "we'll try again, just not yet" obviously getting my hopes up and made me feel better, yet he sent me a picture of him and his ex on snapchat looking pretty loved up, that right there was the bee all and end all. All respect gone, kick up the arse two received, and now he's gone, it's a huge relief. No more worrying is needed to happen.

Now I'm slowly regaining myself back, I'm trying so hard to not lose my Dad as I feel like I've been so distant from him and hidden away from everything when really he's the one I should have sat down and spoke to. My uni work is slowly coming back on track, I'm feeling positive and getting good vibes from my friends who are definitely there to help me when I need them to; my CV has been updated and re-vamped from the help of my brothers, I'm applying for jobs and scheduling posts. The best thing to happen though, is my best friend Helen and Liv are back in my life, sometimes it's the little things like seeing my beauty of a niece (yep, I'm auntie Beth all over again!) smile and giggle that make me realise, a break up is just a temporary upset, they may take time to get over but I will never let a break up affect my health, my family relationships or my life again.

Thank you all so much for sticking with me, I haven't lost any followers and as silly as it sounds, I'm grateful. This little place of mine on the web is definitely going to be getting that little bit more recognition than ever before!

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